The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
