Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.