what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.