Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....