my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
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But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...