Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
