Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings