Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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