...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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