You smell like a Billy Joel song
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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