If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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