all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
