Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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