I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
