I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't notice because vodka
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
