i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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