one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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