yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He passed out mid-signature
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
