we have pet lesbian snakes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
