We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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