If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize