the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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