the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
