Heybabeimwearingurpanties
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
