ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
