So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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