This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
