Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
