I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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