he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
