that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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