can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
