don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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