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You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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