What a fucking waste of an outfit
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
