so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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