Me too!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
