did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
