I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
