I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i came on her dog
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
