I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
