i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
