i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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