Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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