She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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