I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
