I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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