i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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