Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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