a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
whose ass print is on the piano?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
