He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
