Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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