I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
