Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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