I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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