I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
