i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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