i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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