So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
