i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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