why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
