I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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