Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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