decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
