i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
