The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
