Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
