separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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