she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
