come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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