U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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